The Bus stop
"My cat is dead" Jo mumbled to himself. Nobody answered, not that Jo was expecting anybody to. Anybody or anything for that matter. He would often just talk, just let the words come out of his mouth, it was not just the loneliness. He feared that if he lived in silence for too long he would forget what words sounded like all together. However this had to stop,animals would not sit next to him in restaurant or share a taxi after a night out.
The leaves were flying around. Leaving the ground, flying away, like Anna did three years ago. But the leaves don't leave a letter, Anna did not leave a letter either, she left a card. "I will miss you". Four words. Not even a number. Jo was all alone, he was getting used to it. Not that he liked the situation he was in, but one can get used to bad things too.
The bench was cold. He had been sitting in the same position for the last twenty minutes, Jo could not move. He was caught between the edge of the bench on his left and some leftovers of a Big Mac meal on the other side. He tried to move the burger, but it was stuck- almost imprinted on the bench. More than Jo was. He wished he could imprint his image in to peoples minds,he wished he got more then a quick glance.
Shoes moving in different directions, people saying "HI", hugging, exchanging words, waiting for the green light, walking on red, chewing, having sips of coffee, hands shaking, laughing, kissing, holding hands, bumping into each other, running, crying, eating. Glances is all that Jo expected. However amongst all those empty stares Jo felt that something was about to change. He thought of all those tacky yet strangely reassuring quotes: " Turn your life around", "Why not today?", " Be the change you want to see in the world" and " Life is either a daring adventure or nothing". Suddenly Oprah, Ellen and Martha were getting through to him.
The different tastes were all over inside his mouth, they were competing for his attention, but Jo did not have time for this today. He played with his tounge and tried to remove everything. He did not want anymore. He let his palms open and let the rest of the chocolate fall down to the ground. Jo looked at it go, last bit of unhealthiness. He looked down on it as to say goodbye, but the chocolate was gone, and something was blocking his view.
The big body infront of him was twirling. Jo got flashbacks from Bambi on ice. The man infront of him was trying to get up while at the same time moving his hands in a fast pace all over his body to get away things that did not belong to his clothes but to the ground. Jo just sat watching, trying to make himself as little as possible while trying to forget Oprah and all her advice. “Old life, old life” he whispered to himself, and hoped that the words would bring him back to his apartment where everything stayed the same. But his whispers were no magic words, no sesam sesam, no doors into a mountain that led to a secret world. He was still here. His body, and sadly his mind too, this was his moment. It was time to enter. “Sorry, I I I'm sorry.” The guy looked straight at him, but still not straight through him, this was something new. Their eyes met, no fireworks went off, but for Jo this was his ticket into the world again. He still had Anne in mind, but he had drawed the lucky number out of the hat, and he wondered if his award could be a word that started with an f. “f f f f fr fr” He stopped himself, did not want to say the whole word, it was just stupid to jinx it, he knocked on wood too. “Don't say sorry, it was all my fault, sorry about your chocolate. Wait two sec, I'll buy you a new one” And the guy ran off.
No birds were singing in the sky, but this was still a new day. Unlike most people Jo knew, this person actually came back in his direction, Jo could clearly see him. Something was thrown in the air, and just how your knee goes up when the doctor touches the right spot on your leg, his hand went up to catch the object, he missed it. A snickers chocolate was on the ground for the second time that day. “Not the best catcher you, ha ha ha, my name is Leo”. Hands streched out, skin against skin, contact. “Hi, Jo here”. And as easy as that he had a new name to memorize. The bench jumped a little, Leo was next to him.
“How are you?”
“Good thank you...you?”
“I'm fine, ok, but the days are coming and going too fast, I'm scared, life is not good to me anymore.”
Jo was in a converation. He had been reading about this for several years. How your body should be in order to engage in the conversation, shoulders back and arms open. It is important to show with your body language that you are interested. Anne taught him a lot of things like that, head tilited slightly backwards, do not touch your hair, and look the person that you are talking to in the eyes. Anne opened up a whole new world for him, she showed him how the sun is beautiful and how ice cream can be fun, and that laughing is possible...but when Anne left him he started to forget.
“Don't be scared. Life is a ride. Sometimes you're up and sometimes you're down.”
Jo was answering. Not just saying something, but he was coming with advice. This was not him, not the old him, but maybe the new? He felt his body heating up, it tingled all over, he had a urge to light his face up. He wanted to do something that comes natural to most people, but which had not happened to him in the last three years, he wanted to smile. Where did all this come from? He pinched himself, but Leo was still sitting next to him, and listening. Jo was opening his mouth, words came out in the right order, words that gathered together and made sentences that sounded reassuring. Weird, Jo had not even been able to do this to himself these last couple of years. But now talking was his tool, and Leo was the one that needed to be built up. He was hammering away and the walls were still standing.
The communication advice was in his hand, the cellphone, the thing of the century, people could not live without it, impossible, kids were texting everyday, people calling home to request dinners, new couples talking to eachother twentyfour seven, and some people used it just to avoid silence. Jo held his, and looked through the the numbers on his list. A for ambulance, A for Anne, but it was her old number, M for mum and P for police, he could not remember the number for fire. His list was not packed, and he could use a new number. He looked up and met Leo's eyes. Jo quikly looked down again, old habits die hard, but atleast they are dying. Leo was gone in his own world. Jo could not simply show him the phone and expect him to scream his number aloud. He had to ask, but it was almost allright, almost, the words were becoming his friends again, he knew how to handle them. “ Can I have your number?” Easy as that, the question was out there, in the open like a bird flying in no particular direction. Jo wanted the bird to land, he wanted Leo to answer. Silence. “I lost my phone yesterday, it was stolen.” And with one sentence Jo went from sympathizing with thieves to hating them, really hating them.
Jo's hands were turning wet, he could not hold them together, they kept sliding away from eachother, his legs could not keep still, they had to dance to the beat that had suddenly appeared inside his head. He could not let this moment pass him by. He wanted to frame it in, and keep it forever next to his bed so he could fall asleep knowing that he had someone who listened to him one time. He wanted more moments like this. No phone, no contact, no friend. Leo is talking, explaining how he lost his phone, but his words don't make sense to Jo right now, all the thoughts that his brain contains is about how he can keep Leo.
Facebook, facebook, FACEBOOK- why haven't he thought about that. It was perfect, they could share their lives with pictures, movies and messages. Facebook, wow, he was almost running home now to change his profile picture, the one of him and his cats was not good enough. But he had to ask first, he had to make it happen. He looked at Leo, his mouth was moving but Jo could not hear a thing. He liftet his head a little, it was heavy, he whispered “facebook?” just to get it out there. “Facebook?” Their eyes met. “ I hate facebook....do you like it?” Jo was like a glass that have just been dropped to the floor. Jo was in thousand pieces, and no glue in the world could help him. “ Its so impersonal, what happened to face to face communication? Its too many friends that are not really your friends, there just vauge memories from a childhood you want to forget.” Leo's mouth finally closed. He looked at his watch.
The cars were passing by, Jo hadn't noticed them until now. Too many people to pay attention to. A bus was coming, suddenly the bench only held Jo. “Nice to meet you. My bus is here, I have to go. Maybe I see you around someday...” The bus was off. Jo was not on it. The bench, a bus stop, who knew? People were still walking by. Oprah was on, he needed to get home.
